HER TEETH WERE STAINED BUT HER HEART WAS PURE.
I JUST KNOW KNOW WHETHER TO KILL MYSELF OR GO BOWLING.
I KEEP FORGETTIN' I FORGOT ABOUT YOU.
I LIKED YOU BETTER BEFORE I KNEW YOU SO WELL.
I WOULND'T TAKE HER TO A DOG FIGHT, CUZ I'M AFRAID SHE'D WIN.
SHE GOT THE RING AND I GOT THE FINGER.
YOU'RE THE REASON OUR KIDS ARE SO UGLY.
and ...
IF THE PHONE DON'T RING, YOU'LL KNOW IT'S ME. 
Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
If practice makes perfect, and no one's perfect, why practice?
EXERCISE IS GOOD FOR YOU ... TRY THESE OUT FOR YOURSELVES:
Beat around the bush ... jump to conclusions ... climb the walls ...
Swallow your pride ... pass the buck ... throw your weight around ...
Drag your heels ... push your luck ... hit the nail on the head ...
make mountains out of molehills ... wade through paperwork ... bend over backwards...
jump on the bandwagon ... balance the books ... run around in circles ...
go out on a limb ... toot your own horn ... climb the ladder of success ...
pull out the stops ... add fuel to the fire ... open a can of worms ...
put your foot in your mouth ... start the ball rolling ...
go over the edge ... jump the gun .. pick up the pieces.
IF BLONDES ARE HAVING FUN, DO THEY KNOW IT ???
MORE "NEW" BUMPER STICKERS:
If you can read this, I've lost my trailer.
The earth is full - go home.
You're just jealous 'cuz the voices are talking to ME.
If we quit voting, will they all go away?
Honk if anything falls off.
I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
I do whatever my Rice Krispies tell me to ...
BOYCOTT shampoo - demand REAL poo !
IRS - Be audit you can be.
COLE'S LAW" - - - thinly sliced cabbage.
Dyslexics have more nuf.
Schizophrenia beats being alone !!!
***WELKISMS***
Referring to rock music:"That's not my cup of dish."
"I just had an idea that went right over my head."
"There are good days and there are bad days, and this is one of them."
You can ski uphill -
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth -
You lick your coffeepot clean -
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze -
You don't sweat, you percolate -
You can jump-start your car without cables -
The handle on your favorite mug is worn out -
You think being called a "drip" is a compliment -
Lord, help me to relax about insignificant details,
beginning tomorrow at 7:41:23 am PST.
Lord, help me to be more laid back,
and help me to do it EXACTLY right.
Lord, help me to take responsibility for my own mistakes,
even though they're usually NOT my fault.
Lord, help me be open to others' ideas,
WRONG though they may be.
... A WOMAN'S FAVORITE:
I can do without essentials but I must have my luxuries.
Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco.
Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew... your mouth is a whole lot bigger'n you think.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.
"LESSONS IN LIFE"
Indecision is the key to flexibility.
Nostalgia ain't what it used to be.
The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
One-seventh of your life is spent on Monday.
Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for!
and ... this treasure ...
If you can smile when things go wrong,
.....you have someone in mind to blame!
There is no better time than right now to be happy.
Happiness is a journey, not a destination.